IMPERFECTION

CHAPTER- 1

It was evening around 5:30pm. When I reached home tired with migraine hitting me hard like it’s gonna blow up my head. However, I managed to get into my bedroom. Switched on the fan and without any delay, my head went blank. I fell down on the bed unconscious or more like dead.

When I woke up, my head still hurts like I had any hangover. Pressing my head to a pillow, I got up and walked into the bathroom. When I looked into the mirror, I got terrified. Screamed while dropping down myself towards the wall. I was scared and confused. Heartbeat fastened. Legs were in tremble.

Anyhow after a minute, I stood up to face it. But it got vanished from the frame. Taking it as my usual hallucinations, I bent down towards the wash basin and splashed water to my face thrice. When I held my head back up to look into mirror, I saw her standing beside me. I looked my right with panicky, she wasn’t there. When I looked back into the mirror frame, I can view her smiling. I reached limits of terrific thoughts. Suffocating. Rushed out of bathroom, breathing heavily. Just wants to run and hide somewhere. But deep down, I know I can’t. 

I fell down on my knees, trying to get a complete breath. After a while, I heard a voice approaching me 

“Skyler!? Skyler!?”

Everything was getting dark and blank. Or maybe, it was me whose eyes were getting closed. Can’t figure out anything at that moment. She holds me in her arms and cries my name, when I was passing out.

After sometime, when I woke up, I found my shirt was soaking with sweat. I was on my bed. I gradually raised myself to sit. The next moment, I found her holding my back. She helped me to settle down calm. No doubt, she loves me more than I deserve. She’s my wife Stella. Stella Finely. I never wanted her to change her surname coz her surname suits her perfect. It means a fair warrior. And yeah, surely, she is one.

She grabbed me a glass of water. I took a sip from it. She gazed me for a while and asked holding my left arm with her both hands

“Again?”

“What!?”

“You said you dealt with the panic attacks! You really did?”

“Of course! I did” I replied taking my eyes away from her.

“It’s been 3 years, we tied knots Sky! And you still got something which is lacking you behind. Don’t you think I deserve to know about it?” she asked holding my face, looking into my eyes.

“There’s nothing you can do in this Stella. No one can do anything in this. Maybe I’m gonna live with it till end” I replied with a tear escaped from my eye.

“Don’t you trust me, Sky?”

“It’s not about trust, Stella. It’s about my dark side. And I don’t wanna reveal it to anyone”

“Not even me?”

“Not even you”

“How long?”

“I don’t know”

“I can’t see you drowning, Sky. Please”

“Already drown, Stella”

We usually make some mistakes and take regrets later. Some people accept being guilty, while some hide from things and try to cope with the mistakes done. But some people find accepting guilt as quite hard. They try to run from situations, hide or just behave as nothing happened. But in deep down in their hearts, they cry louder asking forgiveness. They won’t get that peace of mind to live their life, as their guilt creates a dark side of them. Let’s see, what’s in me.

Hello people! I’m Skyler Park, a programmer analyst at Merit Output Ltd., Australia. I live with my sweetheart wife, Stella Finely, at a Villa in Brisbane, gifted by my company.

People say that I’m blessed to have a psychotherapist as a wife. May be that’s right, but I never used her skills to deal with my dark side. A side which isn’t she aware of. A side which plays a crucial role in my life. A secret which isn’t shared to anyone except the lord. May be till end or it is eternal.

 

Few years back in Indonesia…

“Finally, you made it son! I’m proud of you” 

“Thanks Dad! Credits to Jakarta International college. They were so lenient lately”

“I doubt that, Sky. I know about your skills. I know you could do things well and you did”

“Thanks for having faith in me, dad” I said smiling to my dad when he patted on my back.

“Hoping great things from you boy for further plans”

“I’ll never let you down, dad”

“Oh, c’mon Joseph! Let my son free from your future lectures, he just got rest from constant study stress”

“Yes, my sweetheart, and he got hired by Tencent Cloud. It’s a great news we got after long time. I’m so happy and proud of my son. Let’s celebrate Jennie, what you say?”

“Of course! And what you mean by your son? It was only me who helped him with subjects! You were always busy with your stocks and prices stuff. He’s my son! I’m confident about my boy. I already knew longtime back that he could crack the interview” my mom stated looking serious into dad’s eye.

“Okay guys! Times up! I’m hungry. Serve me some pasta mum” I said breaking the awkward moment.

My parents had always preached the values of hard work. But hard work is one thing, economic struggle is another. So, in conclusion, I had to choose computer science. And now got hired in a mostly famed company. I was just waiting for something exciting apart from this zone called professionalism.

Mom served me pasta. Some cookies and desserts with some music. A perfect, small, middle class family celebration. Tired me went off to bedroom, while reading mails from my new company. Verified my documents and went to sleep, as I had an early morning cab to the office.

Next day afternoon, at Tencent Cloud…

“Hey Skyler! I’m getting bored, man. I wonder how long this guy gonna give introduction of this company”

“Yeah, Alex! Why people can’t just skip to the key role part?”

“No idea, brother! No idea!”

“I’m starving to death” I said with an awful face.

“Let’s hop on to the cafeteria. I heard they got a big, pleasant one” Alex said.

“What’s there to wait, then? Let’s go!”

We went to the 16th floor which is spread over with counters and tables. I ordered a cheese burger and grabbed some coke and seated on the table near the balcony, where we can see the free sky and congested town at the same time. The wind was blowing to my direction as if there was something like God’s grace approaching me. I closed my eyes, lifting my head up while feeling the air touching my face. A voice waved into my ears, lately. 

“Excuse me! Hello! Hey you!”

I opened my eyes and saw her snapping the fingers, calling out me

“Yes” I replied coming back to square.

“Hey mister! That’s my seat” she stated with a smug face.

“Oh sorry!” I said and moved to the other table gazing into her eyes almost got hit by Alex.

That day, that moment I saw something great, something adorable. Her smile. I wish I couldn’t have fallen for that. But, as we know, life and human expectations aren’t that easy to hold. The more we try, more it eases out from our hands.

“I’m Skyler! Nice to meet this table! People call me Sky! You?”

“Sky? A blue one or a cloudy white?” she asked.

“Depends on second person, I guess” I replied.

“Hope you aren’t a black one” she said while chuckling.

“Well, yes! If it makes people smile”

“You sound so engrossing”

“Trust me, I am!”

“Haha! I’m Luna. Luna Anderson!”

“Hello Luna! Sounds like we’re Astronomies. Sky, Luna” I smirked.

“Okay. This was a bad one” she laughed.

The day we met, we connected instantly and it made me energetic or something like excited throughout the day. We became good friends in some days. We used to talk for hours throughout the whole day. Sometimes while working. Cafeteria was incomplete without us. Hangouts on weekends, movies, parties were so frequent. Years passed, and eventually, I got crazier for her that I could travel thousands of miles, just for her one look, which could make me feel soothing.

And then one evening…

“Mom! I’m home” Luna with a tired face throwing her bag on the sofa.

“Why are you sounding so down hearted girl?” her mom came asking from the kitchen.

“Mom, do I look that bad?”

“Are you insane? Who said that to you?”

“Why my skin is like this? Why people see my look? Why can’t they look my character?”

“At every point, people will have opinions about you because they’re not courageous enough to take action on their opinion. It’s you the one who could embrace it.”

“Mom, you don’t get tired giving me silly hopes?” 

“Hopes?”

“You know what mom, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Please don’t do this Luna”

“Just leave it mom”

“Just listen to me girl”

“No mom” saying this, Luna gets into her room and locks it.

“Am sorry dear. Please don’t do this. Please open the door” knocking the door her mom was weeping.

On the other side of the door, she was crying too projecting her head over the door. The lights went off all of a sudden. Luna slowly gets up from the ground, wiping out tears. Grabs a candle and lit it using a match box placed just beside it in the drawer. Places the candle on her study table and walks towards the window to open it for some good air circulation into the room. 

She could hear her phone ringing, when she took it out from her pocket. It displayed “Doofy calling…”

“Hello! Where are you? I was waiting for you in cafeteria since afternoon. You just ghosted when it’s your turn for pay?”

“Sky! Not now! Talk to you later”

“You called by my name!? Are you okay? Girl! I ordered your favourite cheese burger”

“I said noooo! Just leave me alone!” she hung up.

Next day…

“Am sorry Luna! I feel we shouldn’t make u feel in that way. We’re really sorry dear for last day” a guy said with his head down.

“What happened to your head?” Luna asked.

“Uh, Oh… nothing. Last night I fell from a bike”

“But you’re the one who taunt guys on not wearing helmet”

“Oh, I forgot. I had a meeting with the boss. Sorry, am getting late” he said and rushed away from the cafeteria.”

“But it’s lunch time?” She asked but in the meanwhile he disappeared.

“Heyyyy Luna, what happened to you last day?” I asked. I came and sat beside her resting my arm over her shoulder.

“Don’t act smart, you beat up that Winston?” she asked, removing my arm off from her.

“Who’s Winston? Boyfriend?” I smirked.

“Shut the fuck up! I know it’s you who did all this!” she uttered with a deadly glance.

“Okay look, I really don’t have an idea what you talking about” I said adjusting my shirt’s collar.

“Only 1 question. Why?”

“Food is getting cold. Let’s eat”

“I asked WHY?” she asked earsplitting.

“Coz I love you” I screamed.

“What?” she asked with a confused face.

“And I can’t stop myself”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know. It’s been so long. And even today night, when I go home, when I sit on my roof, I think of you and whisper about you to stars like every time. Every night. Can’t help with my emotions” I ended this statement mumbling.

“No. This can’t be” she said in a low tone that hardly could someone hear.

“What?” I asked.

“NO!” she screamed and headed out way.

People subjects themselves to revelation when they find replacements in their respective bonds with fellow beings. Especially, friendship is a different concept and quite unique from others. It’s special and mostly absent in over dramatic expectations. But when it turns out to a relationship, people find things different and hopes the partner to be as they actually desire. 

“Am sorry! Am good for nothing”

“Please don’t do this to me. You don’t know, how much I love you. I could do anything for you”

“But I am terrified!” she screamed with tears.

“Don’t say that please” I uttered holding her hands in mine, with a sad face.

“If I stay more, I would make your life hell” she mumbled and started moving away from me wiping out tears flowing continuously over her red emotional cheeks.

“Wait! Luna! Please don’t go. I don’t wanna lose you” I screamed walking towards her.

When she reached the footpath on the other side, she hears a loud vroom sound ending with an intense screech along with a thud sound. She stopped and stood like statue all of a sudden after listening to that loud sound. With consternation in eyes, she gently started turning back. Her heartbeats were getting faster and faster. When she turned around and looked at me. She screamed in trepidation with widened eyes 

“SKY!”

I was lying down with blood oozing out from my body through my white shirt, turning it into a red one. Luna rushed towards me and took me in her lap, holding my head.

“Sky! No no no no no please” she is sobbing.

“You’ll always be beautiful to me” I struggled while mumbling.

Gradually, my eyes were getting closed. I fell unconscious while talking.

“Somebody, help please! Somebody, please call an ambulance” she screamed while sobbing.

Few minutes later, an ambulance arrived with Weeoow Weeoow, a loud siren ringing on it. EMTs rushed and carried me into the vehicle. Holding my hand, she sat sobbing beside me in the ambulance.

Luna hated relationship things since start and never encouraged her heart to pursue it. Her deal with people who used to mock her for Vitiligo is an add-on to her mood offs.

Vitiligo is a long-term condition where pale white patches develop on the skin. It's caused by the lack of melanin, which is the pigment in skin. Vitiligo can affect any area of skin, but it commonly happens on the face, neck and hands, and in skin creases. The pale areas of skin are more vulnerable to sunburn, so it's important to take extra care when in the sun and use a sunscreen with a high sun protection factor (SPF).

Luna never wanted to be put in a box. She lives her life to full without regrets. Never thought of treatment. In fact, she feels happy to embrace it.

Few hours later…

“Oh Lord! please! Not Skyler! Please!” she was praying keeping her eyes closed, sitting outside the room.

When we love someone so madly, we imagine many beautiful things. We think of holding them in arms as if it’s our only galaxy where we feel comfortably sheltered from bad. We never think of losing them at any cost. But life is a test where we get something when we sacrifice something. The bad things in our life occurs for a reason irrespective to the comfort zones of our mental health. We strive to stop things going messy. But sometimes we couldn’t satisfy the situations according to our perspectives. 

“Why are you crying?” a kid who was sitting beside her asked.

“Are you too scared of syringes?”

Luna stopped sobbing watching that innocent kid. He was wearing a half tee with shorts, shoes with quite mud dirt. He was talking to her while cleaning his eye glasses with his tee. His innocence was so cute catching to her eyes.

“Sorry, if he bothered you way too much” a lady came asking.

“Ah, not at all, ma’am” Luna replied.

“Let’s go home, son. You got science class tomorrow” his mom while holding his tiny hand.

“Mom, I’ll take a leave tomorrow” he obstinating with his cute lil round face.

“No excuses dear” his mom replied. 

They walked away from the hospital floor. Few minutes later, doctor comes and speaks 

“Now, he is out of danger. But he’ll take some hours to come into conscious condition. God bless you both.”

“Thank you so much doctor” she said wiping out tears from the eyes.

“Okay, I’ll see you later” 

“Doctor! Please don’t mind me asking this”

“Yeah sure. Ask me”

“What’s that lil boy’s case who just left few minutes ago?”

“Who!? Joy?”

“Oh! that’s his name?”

“Yes. He is a bright kid. Can describe him as a warrior. Defeated cancer. He comes for weekly checkups. Still some minor issues. He’ll be fine in some months.” 

“Oh! That sounds much determination” she uttered.

“Yeah. Anyways I need to leave. I have patients waiting”

“Ah sure. Thanks doctor” she conveyed.

“Welcome” said doctor while leaving.

Few hours ago…

I opened my eyes, found Luna smiling to me, besides tears. It was a kind of treatment to my injury. I tried to get up and sit. My right elbow was badly injured and some small injuries on my left arm, chest and right knee. She helped me holding my right arm and back.

“Why did you do that?” she asked with tears in eyes.

“I said, I could do anything for you. Maybe I overtold” I said while struggling chuckles.

“Shut up idiot!”

“Okay”

“Do you really love me?”

“Yes”

“Why?

“The way you listen to me, the way you have accepted my flaws, my insecurities, my fear. You know all of these and still accept me as I’m and won’t judge me. You’re my blessing, the best thing I possess. Many times, I might hurt you knowingly and unknowingly, but you’ve been always there holding on to us” I expressed.

“Hmm… How can someone love someone to this extent? That they notice each and every small thing of yours” she asked.

“I don’t know how, but I do. You’ve made me a better person and I’ve started loving myself too, much more than ever. Coz someone beautiful said that we can’t love someone if we fail to love ourselves”

“You remembered my babblings” she smirked while saying.

“I always do” I smiled while replying.

There was something magical that made us gaze into eyes for a while. And yes, then, we kissed. I felt ground cracked open and I was enveloped by the happiest feeling of bliss. It was much intense as if she kissed my soul, holding me in her arms. Soon after we break the kiss,

“I love you Sky” escaped from her mouth.

“I was expecting to be called Doofy” I replied chuckling.

“Don’t you think, you should talk less to avoid pain”

“May be” I mumbled.

“Stop giving that fuckin puppy face” she said in loud.

“Sorry”

“Doofy!” she smirked.

Days were good. I used to care her a lot, thinking of her, trying to fulfill her lil wishes, pamper her when she feels weird about her skin. Singing for her at late night calls. Some anxiety issues, some stress, some comfort, some hope. Everything was so beautiful and astonishing to heart, as if every turn off is balanced with a turn on. It was peaceful watching her smile, laugh and whatever she did. She was happy. How long? Don’t know!

______________________________________________

CHAPTER- 2

31st December, midnight at Tencent Cloud…

“And the employee of the year goes to Luna Anderson” our Managing Director announced at the stage. 

“Congratulations Luna. Thanks for your great service. Proud of you. Keep going” CEO wished.

“Thanks sir. I hope the same” Luna replied to CEO with excitement popping out.

“Stage is yours, Luna”

She took the mic in her hand and a deep breath. After a minute of silence,

“Hello guys! First of all, I don’t wanna bore you people with a long speech. So, let’s keep it short and simple. Thank you all for your support and recognizing my hard work. I could’ve never imagined this happening. I can’t believe the fact that I was about to resign at earlier phase, but time taught me to stand and embrace. I hope, we’ll maintain our Tencent family high and… yes HIGH. Thank you” she delivered her speech.

Every hand applauded for Luna. Or may be some hands didn’t. Whenever we feel extremely happy or excited, we’ve a fear. Fear of going something wrong or may be terrible. Luna sensed that feeling, but I failed to. It was the night when I lost for the first time.

Later that night, outside Luna’s home… 

“Are you not coming in?” Luna asked.

“I could’ve. But gotta go it’s already late. My mom would be waiting for me at dinner table” I said.

She gave me a smirking face, pulled out her phone, dialed a number.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

Avoiding me she sticks the phone to ear and starts speaking

“Hello! Mrs. Joseph Park!”

My eyes got bigger with shock. Trying to pull out the phone from her “What the fuck!” I exclaimed. 

Pushing me back “I’m Luna Anderson! Skyler’s friend” she spoke on phone. I holding her from behind, grabbed phone out from her and aborted the call while there was “Hello! Hello!” coming up from my mom on the phone.

“I like the way you hold me from back. If calling your mom leads to this pleasure treat, I would like to do it every day” she whispered looking into my eyes.

“That’s not cool, sweety. My mom will kill me, if she finds out about this”

“Oh really. Such a mumma’s boy”

“Oh c’mon! don’t say that please”

“I’ll! Doofy… Hahaha” 

“Okay stop laughing like. It’s mesmerising”

“Is it?”

“Obvious and a lot!”

“Ohh”

“Anyways, I’ll take a leave now”

“Ah c’mon Sky! Atleast a hello to my mom”

“Next time”

Before she could say anything, I kissed her and rush back to my car. She was screaming “Heyy, wait! Sky!”

“Happy New Year sweetheart!” I said while driving back to my house.

“Happy New Year” she said in annoyance and gets into her home.

Time with her was so good and peaceful for me. No matter how long, I stay around her, always felt less. The moment I go away from her felt so uneasy and made me think as the long-time phase. I never thought that it would come true and tough for me that I’ll get faded in no time. I wish I could had stayed with her that night. May be things would’ve been different. But I failed with my luck. The moment I reached home, my head starting aching so bad that I fell down on my bed. My mom came watching me fall unconscious. A couple of hours passed. I opened my eyes slowly as the blurred vision turning out clear 

“Sky! Sky! What happened to you my son?” 

“I’m fine, mom. How long I was in sleep?”

“Sleep? You fell down unconscious, dear!”

“Oh really?”

“Son, I’m worried about you. Did you eat anything?”

“Ah yes, mom. It was just winter freezing air led to a small headache. I’m fine now” 

“I hope you’re!”

“I’m!”

“Okay then, get up let me get you some food. I made Martabak and some pan cakes for you”

“Oh, that’s my favourite mom. Thank you so much. Love you”

“I know Sky! Love you too”

Meanwhile at Luna’s home…

“I’m proud of you, girl! I always have faith in you” 

“Thanks mom. You’re best” 

Luna hugged her mom for a while. She was quite emotional. Actually, both were!

“Anyways, go to sleep. You’ve a big day tomorrow” 

“Okay mom”

“Good night sweetie”

“Good night”

Luna gets up from the table and walks upstairs, stops and speaks

“Mommy!”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for that evening. I love you” saying this Luna rushed into her bedroom 

“I love you too” her mom whispered from her heart with a smile.

Some people are good at hiding. Some are great at it. They hang out with their fellow beings happy, smiling, laughing out loud. Some get caught, while some are not. We feel them as a positive vibe who’s doing great, chilling out, living to fullest. But reality hits different. And when it hits out and reveal the truth, we find difficulty in tolerating it, digesting it, accepting it. Luna had a secret. I can call it more like a pain, which she didn’t deserved to be with. But this cruel world never left her with peace.

2 days later…

I woke up with a bad headache on a stretcher, found myself in the hospital with bandaged head looked around and found no one. Few minutes later, my mom arrived and dad was still talking to the doctor.

“Are you okay, son?” she asked.

“Yeah, a slight headache still hurting. But it’s fine. What happened and how long I’ve been here?”

“You fell down unconscious again!”

“What!?”

Mom just nodded her head.

“Oh God! Not again!” I mumbled holding my head and rubbing my eyes.

“You got few calls from someone named Luna”

“Oh God!”

“2 days back!” Mom interrupted.

“What do you mean 2 days?”

“It’s Jan 3 morning”

“WHAT!”

“Yes, you were unconscious 2 days back from Jan 1 morning, when you dropped yourself down unconscious, brushing in bathroom”

“OH MY GOD! That’s so horrible. I mean, how can I? I don’t know what to say. Am I acting normal?”

“Easy! Easy! Calm down! You’re perfectly alright now. Doc said it was just a minor headache and New Year’s Eve was an add-on which exhausted you. Anyhow, you’re totally fine now” mom comforted me.

“Are you sure about this, mom?”

“Damn sure. Just chill out yourself. I’ll go talk to your dad. Meanwhile, call back your friends. They’re concerned about you.”

“Okay mom”

Mom walked out of the room handing me my phone. I called Luna on very first priority to listen her tone. The call didn’t connect due to network issues. I walked to right door, which opens to a balcony. Got back network, but when I called her, it said switched off. It sounded strange and then I tried calling Alex. He picked up the call and talked.

Few moments later…

My eyes widened. Every thing was blank and I dropped the phone listening to Alex’s words. My legs stopped supporting me to stand and I fell apart towards the wall and then down on the floor.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I screamed with pain mixed with anger.

My parents along with the doctor rushed into the room and found me down aside to a wall on the right near the balcony door.

“What happened, Sky!? What happened” my mom and dad asked in worry holding me.

“She can’t do that! She can’t do that! She can’t do that!” I screamed.

“It’s okay son! It’s okay son! It's okay...” my mom held me tight and hugged me when tears started rolling down from eyes. 

“How could she do this to me, mom?” I started weeping.

Doctor saw my phone on the floor beside the door with screen on. He picked it up and talked to Alex and listened to everything with eyes widened.

She took her life.

She ended her life.

Jumped from her window. I broke down into million pieces, scattered around. Gradually my eyes dried and from then, I never cried. I dug her memories deep in my heart that I stopped talking for months. My sleeping schedule, eating schedule everything got messed up. Panic attacks and nightmares were getting normalized gradually. I never thought, that window through which, I used to sneak into her room at late nights, would become an access to her death one day.

______________________________________________

Present time...

"Good Morning, Sky!" Stella waking me up.

"Good morning" I woke up with a smile.

"Looks like you had a good sleep" she uttered sitting near to my head, watching me with her astonishing smile.

"Yeah, we can say that"

"Good to know, now fresh up yourself, breakfast is getting ready" 

"Thanks so much, Finely"

"Oh! Appreciation! Not bad. What's up Mr. Skyler Park?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to, you know, whatever happened last night"

"I know, I know"

"Yeah. Anyways, Alex coming home for dinner tonight. Don't forget to make cookies"

"Who's Alex?"

"Ah! Sorry, I forgot to tell you about him. He's my old friend from my ex-company Tencent Cloud"

"Oh okay. Right"

I took shower and had some sandwiches in breakfast and rushed to office, as I was already running quite late. 

Night 8:30 pm...

"Hey Alex! Welcome buddie, my brother. How're you doing? Come inside" I welcomed Alex into our home.

"Hello, Sky! I'm good, buddy. How're you? Where's Stella?" Alex replied.

"She's in kitchen.  We're making cookies, specially for you"

"Ah, thanks so much. You remembered my love for cookies"

"Of course! After all you're my best friend, more like a brother"

"Yeah, yeah. Brother who forgot to inform me leaving Indonesia and moving to Australia. I didn't even attend your wedding, Sky! Ugh! my leg was destined to be broken during that time. Very bad timings, my fate follows" 

"Ah! Stop babbling, it's totally fine. I missed you Alex. I mean, it's been so long, pal"

"Yeah! Long time. Are you doing well now?"

"Yeah! I'm good"

"No! I mean, do you still get panic attacks? You know, after whatever happened at Tencent Cloud"

"What happened at Tencent Cloud?" Stella arrived asking, holding plates of cookies served.

"Ah! That's nothing, Stella! Alex is just babbling about our old memories with Tencent Cloud" I uttered.

"Ohh, okay!" said Stella, watching Alex turning around his face to other wall on the right.

Next day, night 9 pm...

"Why did you do that?" Stella asked me in an astonished way.

"What did I do?" I responded wondering what she's talking about.

"Why did you hurt them?"

"Hurt!? Whom? What are you talking about?"

"Daisy and Winston"

"How do you know them?"

"I know everything, Doofy"

My eyes widened, started sweating, mind was so blank. My throat got dried. Took a glass of water and drank it.

"How do you know that name?" I asked while my hands were shivering.

"I found out everything, Sky!"

"Everything?"

"How? Did Alex?"

"You're not gonna say a word to him! Don't you dare to!" She said looking into my eyes.

"Mmm" I mumbled.

"Why did you resigned from Tencent Cloud? And why did you leave Indonesia? What happened that night?"

"I can't tell you this, Stella"

"Please Sky! It's been years, you've been through a lot. I can't see you like this drowning day by day in front of my eyes and making me incapable of helping you. This is not right, Sky. This is definitely no the right way to embrace. You're torturing your mind and heart, which is extremely bad"

"I'm helpless! I'm bad at fixing things since start. I can't fix this. No one can! Not even you, Stella! Not even you" I started weeping. 

"May be I can't fix it. May be I can't fix you. But am I not that capable of listening what my husband is going through? Am I that bad at comforting you? I know, I'm imperfect to take care of you, but I'm trying... I'm trying" She expressed while tears rolling out from her eyes.

"Imperfect! Imperfection! These are the words I hate the most. You know, what she used to say?"

"What?"

"That she's imperfect! Imperfect enough to spoil my life. This is the cruel thought our society never failed to implant in our brains. Discriminating people based on colour, race, age, gender. Labelling them with their accordance and if someone comes out of box, bullying them, torturing them. Making them feel what death is like. We've developed in all fields, but our brains are still under major deficiency called imperfection. We live in between people who still can't digest fellow people's skin colour."

"I understand your pain"

"No! You don't! No one could and no one will understand, what Luna gone through. She never told me what she's been experiencing and what she's been feeling apart from being caring towards me. And what did I do? Nothing! She was drowning in front of me, under the same building, same room, few steps away cabin. And I don't even know that"

"It wasn't your mistake, Sky!"

"It was! Stella. And it'll be. I would never be able to forgive myself for this. Atleast not in this life."

"Don't say that, please" Stella while crying to her cheeks red.

"You wanna know, what happened that night?"

"No"

"That night I went to kill Daisy and Winston. The same people who tortured her for her Vitiligo. Made fun of her everyday and night, posting her pictures of her skin everywhere on social media with inappropriate captions. Pasting them on walls of Tencent Cloud. This was not enough fun for them. They bullied her, grabbed her hair and pushed her to the bathroom wall. When I saw her in bandages on head, you know what she said?"

Stella crying while nodding her head left and right.

"She said that she fell off from stairs at home and I believed it like a fool. How adorable she was. Never let me knew, what's going on her. How tough her life is." 

I started crying out till my clothes soaked with sweat and tears.

"Why didn't you kill them, when you intended to?"

I lifted my head back to look into Stella's eyes, while she kept asking "Why?"

"Because the moment, I was about to cut their necks in that dark room, where I tied them. I heard her voice waving in to my ears, saying"

"Saying!? Saying what?" Stella asked with an astonished expression.

"What's the difference between you and them, if you're doing this?"

"I looked behind, she was standing there, wearing the same blue dress I gifted her on her birthday. She came closer to me and I was speechless and stunned to see her coming to me. And then..."

"And then... And then, what?" Stella asked.

"She said 'let them go free. If you do, what they did to me. What would be the difference between you and them' I dropped the knife, listening to her words and then, the next moment she faded away as if any colour. And then for many nights, I was sleepless with thoughts and questions unanswered, figuring out with what I've seen that night. Later next day, I resigned from Tencent Cloud and applied at Merit Output Ltd. I  got selected and I moved to Australia."

"You still see her, right" Stella asked.

"Yeah" I mumbled.

"Is she there here, right now?"

"Yes"

"Where?"

"Beside you, watching us and listening to us"

Stella turns her head gradually and looks her left side

"You can't see her"

"Yeah, right"

Stella stood up and got some water and drank and passed me some too. Holding my hand, she said

"Look Sky! You need to talk to her. Express your feelings on whatever happened to her. This way you can make peace with her. I'm giving you my word as a therapist, not as a wife. Please spend some time with her. Talk to her. Listen to her, whatever she says. There must be a valid reason why she's still here, watching you everyday. I'll wait down stairs. Deal with her and understand what she intends to. And most importantly let her understand, what you feel. Okay?"

"Yeah"

"Yeah. See you soon, then" said Stella and walked down the stairs.

I was uncomfortable infront of her, with guilt in my eyes, lowering down my gaze. The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we’re feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we’re likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

She was staring me. I was soaking with sweat and my body was in tremble. It was like I’ll die with this stress and anxiety. She stood up and spoke

“Remember Doofy, you used to sing for me at late nights on calls, whenever I was in bad mood or fell sick?”

The moment I heard “Doofy” in her tone, tears rolled out desperately like they were caged in me since ages. I looked up with hope for answers to my questions. She sings gazing into my eyes

“I know how anxious, you wanna probe me

Deal me, ask me what bothered me and feel me

What I wish is neither seeing you hurt nor in mystery

I was never a believer but it was like your stars didn’t match mine

Maybe I was imperfect, or fate was neither so fair nor that kind

It happened so quick as the night was in hangover for a while

Couldn’t control my hands not even my stressful mind

Took a bad step, please you don’t need to repeat footsteps of mine

Can’t see you falling, please let your life be good, fair and kind

She’s pretty and caring, be with her space

Stay strong, you got her to heaven this place”

After listening to her voice and verses she expressed, I felt all my questions answered. I wiped out my tears, stood up from my bed and spoke

“If you are imperfect, I dream of your imperfection! Because imperfection like you is beautiful and rare, Luna. You’re rare and no one could replace you ever in me. You’ve made your place for eternity in my heart. Thanks for this light”

That moment was soothing to my heart after years. She left or I can say faded away from her form, but she’ll remain forever with me, every day and night.

 

Few moments later…

I walked downstairs to hold Stella’s hands. Hugged her tight and kissed her soft and gently on her forehead.

“Thanks for being with me every time”

“If not me, who will?” she replied

“Yeah yeah”

“You know, Sky. You never showed up on her funeral not even at her grave, because deep down you knew all these times that she’s not away. She’s with you. Everywhere, every time, you felt her. And you’ll”

“Yes”

“I know, I can’t replace Luna and trust me I never thought of it”

“I know, Stella. It’s only you, whom I trust for this life and hereafter”

“I love you, Sky”

“I do love you, Stella. And I’m really very sorry for keeping secrets and distancing you”

“Dare not to repeat it again, Doofy. Sorry, Can I call you that?”

“Ah, please! Do call me that!”

“I love you so much, Doofy”

“I love you too, Stella”

______________________________________________

Thanks for reading guys. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings. Feelings are subjective and sometimes, some feelings can fool you for a long. Please do not let your feelings take control over you. Life is never a fairy-tale. We all go through different ups and downs. All we need to have is hope and patience for light. Please feel free to drop in my inbox anytime, if you feel like sharing anything like “anything” whichever or whatever bothers you. I may not help, but sharing lessens the burden on heart and may be solutions can be obtained.